Getting a divorce is one of the worst things that could happen in your life. You will feel like your dreams have been shattered right before your eyes. There will be tons of questions about what went wrong as well as doubts about yourself. When not handled properly, negative emotions could turn into depression. At the same time, it can also add up to the stresses in your daily life to the point that you become a toxic person. Remember that when this happens, there is a high possibility that you will not only lose your lover but also the other people surrounding you.
Realizing that you need to go on separate ways with your husband is going to break your heart. However, this does not mean that you have to wallow yourself in grief or sadness. Whether you like it or not, there is nothing else left to do but to move on from your failed marriage. It may seem impossible at first but the more you devote your time to making yourself a top priority, the easier it will be on your part to let go. Here are some of the things that you can do to help you move on from a divorce:
Cry Your Heart Out
This may be the last thing you want to read right now, but you have to believe that it is essential to do it. Allow yourself to feel bad about the separation. Stop denying to yourself that the divorce occurred. Remember that certain things happen for a reason. Since the marriage has already ended, give yourself a chance to cry over it. Express your sadness through crying until you get tired of doing it.
Adam Borland, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist, emphasized the importance of grieving. “Avoiding grief can keep you stuck in feelings of sadness, loneliness, guilt, shame and anger — which can take a big toll on your self-esteem,” he says. Dr. Borland also added, “Not addressing grief also robs you of an opportunity to grow. The end of a relationship is a good time to reflect, clarify your values and decide what kind of life you want moving forward.”
Focus On Other Things
Life goes on after the divorce. You cannot let one bad experience deny you from feeling genuine happiness. Just because your former partner has decided to leave does not mean that there is no longer hope for you. Carla Manly, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, said, “instead of getting stuck in, “I can’t believe this happened to me!” try a positive mantra such as, “I am fortunate to be able to find a new path in life — one that is good for me.””
Try to find other things that you can be passionate about. Think of all the activities that you want to try but never had an opportunity to do it. Now that you are single again, do everything you can to look for a new passion.
Stop The Hate
The more you hate your ex, the more challenging the moving on phase will become. As long as you have hatred against the other person, it will be difficult for you to move forward.
Kathy Belicki, Ph.D., a professor of psychology, stated that “The easiest path to both kinds of forgiveness that pour out from you towards the offender or towards the world is empathy: imagining why this person was the way they were.”
Give yourself a well-deserved break by letting go of all the negative emotions and feelings inside you. What you need to do is to forgive your ex even if he has not asked for forgiveness. Be mature enough by becoming a better person to take the high road.
Moving on from a failed relationship is a hurtful process. Sometimes, no matter how hard you exert an effort in letting go of your feelings, everything will keep on coming back. Do not worry because this is only typical in the life of a person who is still struggling to let go. Remember that you deserve happiness and that is what you should get.